Do We Ever Really Get Over The Loss Of A Loved One

[GateKeeper]

I'm writing this post for all to see and comment on with there thoughts on things that have happened to them .

Losing A Child / Husband / Wife / Nan / Granddad / Dog / cat / etc .

Ive lost both sets of grandparents and i found it to be upsetting .
but nothing compared to when my daughter died .

Wow the not knowing if your coming or going your numb i done all the wrong things i drank my life away.
Alcohol is not the answer it only momentarily blocks out the pain.
but i done everything that was possible for our daughter even done things that many couldn't .
Besides what i done for our daughter i forgot about my wife i still kick myself for it even now .
The trauma you go through with the stress hits you so many ways its really not good.
I cryd once and i swore i would never cry again as she wouldn't want daddy to see her cry .
I held in my pain for so long i couldn't talk about her for a long time it was so raw .
Now it put such a strain on our marriage and our other kids but we got through it even now 8 years later it still hurts but its got easyer nothing takes away the fact that we are supposed to go before our children .
What helped me was the thought that shes not in any pain / hurt / suffering / shes in a better place .
My grief was put to the side and i had to get on with things as it affected my wife badly even now its a really raw subject but shes getting better and is only just starting to open up a bit .
That's taken 8 years .

So really what I'm trying to say is we grieve in different ways.
please keep a level head you can explode on people that haven't done a thing .
Grieving can take a long time to ease i don't think it ever goes but it does get easyer i promise you it does .

It does help also you will get times when you get a blank in bits don't worry it will come back in time its part of the grieving process to block things out
If you need any help or guidance please ask we are here to help you .
Many here if not all here have all gone through losing someone close .
We can listen and maybe give our advice
and honestly from my own experience its better to talk about things it helps .


what did you do to help you through your grieving time i ask this because it will help others through there grieving .
If your strong enough to talk about things talk to us here and others can see its not only them to have this sadness around them and how do you feel now about it has it got any easyer .

This is a tough subject to discuss for all but a real important topic .
Everything stays on site that is read and nothing gets repeated to others we value your trust as we hope you value ours

[Spirit~Soul]

I have lost soooooo many loved ones in my life and it's coming up to my mums 8th anniversary on 29th September... my mum was only 54 years old... I was told and shown by spirit via dream how and what date my mum was going to pass on June 2004... that in itself almost killed me - I couldn't do nothing to stop mum from passing... I felt useless - completely useless...

And so September 2004 came and my 33rd birthday came and my mum passed 2 weeks to the very day of my birthday ... my mum wasn't just my mum - she was also my best friend... and I am so like her it is uncanny in looks and also personality -

I has started to write a diary and I wrote to my mum every single day - to me it was just like talking to mum (this was my way of coping)... I wrote 5 large books in just over a year and most likely would still be writing only my dad and hubby felt it wasn't good to keep doing that so I stopped - to this day, I have never ever read those 5 books... I can't - it's too painful even the thought of it - I tried too loads of times, but I don't get past book 1 ...

There's not one day goes by where my mum is not in my heart and mind and even though I have seen mum lots of times from her passing... it's the Psychical I miss soooooooo much... the hugs.... the talking we done, the laughing, the crying together... everything...

I have also lost 3 babies due to miscarriage - I wasn't far on with all 3 of them but they were still my babies and I never got a chance to meet them... I know they are with mum though it still breaks my heart and I know the first one was a boy and the other 2 were girls...

I still blame myself for lossing our son - because we were going on holiday on August 2000 and we were flying... I was under 3 months - and we were going to Cornwall over to one of my best friends ... I thought I was just nervous and feeling sick because of flying but that wasn't the case at all - I lost our son over in Cornwall... I knew then... I just knew and my own gp confirmed it ... I was in shock and couldn't believe it ... my 3 babies are all angels along with mum...

I personally don't feel we ever get over the loss of losing our loved ones....

So that is my story.... and it still hurts to this day trying to talk about my precious babies/angels... and this post has been very hard to write though I felt the need after reading your story Gatekeeper my friend... and I'm so sorry for your loss....

Brightest Blessings,
Spirit~Soul xxxx

[guest]

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[talbot1212]

I lost a brother in December of 2004 and I lost my dad in September of 2011. What makes both of these unique is the fact that I didn't really have a close relationship with either of them. So in a sense I mourned for what I didn't have with them. Both were troubled while alive and I believe my dad might have been homeless at times. It's what I've heard anyway from an aunt. My brother also moved around a lot and when we found out about his death it was such a shock. It's like in both cases, things weren't settled, relationships weren't mended. I don't know, I guess I still don't know how to feel about it.

[GateKeeper]

All you can do my freind is learn from this theres a lesson here .
just make sure the family you do have around you stay close in a sence of knowing eachother creating memorys good or bad at least if you make the best out of what you have you will know you will never go down this road again .
Family dont always stay close im not with mine but im making sure my children will know eachother in and out and always be in contact with each other creating memorys .
Try not to be to hard on yourself or wonder to much others that new them more will eventualy tell you storys of them im sorry things worked out this way for you my freind .

In death we learn what it means to live and learn by examples that was given .

Hope this helps my freind .

Hugs & Blessings .


GateKeeper

[talbot1212]

Yes, we learn what we want by what we didn't have. I want my son to know he is loved more and more everyday. When I kiss him goodnight I see a little smile of contentment on his face and it warms my heart. My dad has passed on, what could have been with us will never be, but I'm creating something beautiful with my son, memories he will cherish. My son knows he is loved.

Thank you. Blessings..

[jill]

I have read these messages above a couple of times now and feel it is one post that I can relate to and share my experiences.
I too have lost several people in my life 3 of which has passed this month. It is always sad when you lose people you love but I have never experienced hurt like I have since my brother passed.
He suffered from depression and bi-polar and had a lot of mental health issues.
Sadly in January 2011 he took his own life. I felt I took it as well as anyone would. The usual grieving process everyone goes through when you lose someone. I was very strong for my family thought I was coping well. However, in July this year I realised that maybe things were not as good as I thought. It took a very dear friend and my husband to make me realise things were terribly wrong and I needed to seek help. I started to become angry again and it was like all the process of grieving started all over. I became so unhappy that I cried every day and cried myself to sleep. I didn't want to get out of bed and only did, as I knew I had to, for the sake of my children. My mum also is very poorly with COPD and has had to go to hospital several times. My dad has angina and also has breathing problems and I am the family member that look after them most. It is so sad to see my mum so ill and the thought of losing her too is just unbearable. She is actually in hospital at the moment but getting better. My daughter also has health issues and lots of other things going on in my life just became too much. I felt a failure how could i be ill I am a parent, I need to look after my parents, people rely on me etc etc and felt it was a bad thing that I became ill I was ashamed. I was too afraid to tell anyone as I didn't want to worry them. When I did go to the doctors for help I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression (which is what my brother suffered from) This worried me more as I felt I may get as bad as him. I didn't want my mum and dad worrying about me like they did for Mark. But in the end I did speak to people and I came to realise it is an illness and I shouldn't be ashamed. The reason I am sharing this is because people deal with death in so many different ways and it doesn't make you weak if u need a bit of help and the more you talk the better it gets. It never goes away, I know I will never get over losing my brother especially the way we lost him, but to keep talking and sharing does help. I know I am still not there and have been on anti-depressants since being diagnosed. I am also waiting for counseling which I think will help me to maybe accept it. I always tell my loved ones I love them everyday as you never know what is around the corner.
There are so many lovely and caring people on this site and the group on face book and someone is always willing to listen.
I hope this helps anyone who may be going through the same thing
love to all
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[angelsky]

Hello all was just reading these posts and jill my heart goes out to you,I have lost one auntie one nan and both grandads also lost second aunties and uncles,close friends and i dont think we ever get over the loss off our loved ones but we do carry on known that they are with us.My biggest concern is too if i ever lose my parents or my sister or brothers i don't know how i would cope. jill you are an amazing person and you are strong but i understand depression is very hard to live with...and like you said many on here and fb group are here when we need them my mum too has copd and my dad has his heart bypass very soon beginning of this year, im trying to cope my very best but some-days are much worse as you know jill my husbands dad is not well and its been very hard to live with this too what i want to say is jill when i saw your post i feel alot of pain because i know that it must of been so hard for you the loss of mark <3 i just wish for you to find the inner piece for you to get through your depression x your a very special person altho we have only met on here one day we will meet thats my promise to you <3 love always angelsky xx

[angelsky]

Also sending my love to gatekeeper,spirit soul,talbot1212 blessings to you all angelsky xx

[jill]

aww thank you angelsky that is so kind of you to say and I know we will always be here for each other through our hard times - and YES we will meet one day!! xxxxx

[angelsky]

Always xx love angelsky xxx